What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
