Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
