Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
