dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
