he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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