I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
