whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
