she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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