just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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