I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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