he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
