there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
