Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just invented taco cereal.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
