You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
