Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
