dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
