He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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