sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
