he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
