Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
