he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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