So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
pop tarts are not kleenex
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
