I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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