Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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