If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
