I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
