Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
