I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
