Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
