Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
