Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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