I just saw a hot homeless man
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
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