That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
