do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
