Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
