dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
