How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
