I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
