Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
