im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
