The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
