Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
