ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
