Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
