Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
