Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
