she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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