Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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