everyone is single if you try hard enough
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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