You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
