And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
