You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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