It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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